Good News, Bad News

Good News: I graduate in about a month.

Bad News: WTF am I going to do after that?  I have to go out and be a real person now.  I’m not sure I can handle that.

Good News: Finished my thesis.

Bad News: My advisor hates it.  My meeting with him on Friday may end in tears for me.  Dread central.

Good News: Things with Potential Love Interest appear to be moving in the right direction.

Bad News: Suddenly everyone else has a crush on me, too.  Dammit you guys, why do you wait until there’s someone I’m interested in?  Seriously.

Good News/Bad News: Donovan McNabb was traded to my beloved Redskins.  Seriously, WTF.  I spent years hating this guy, and now I’ll be rooting for him.  I was pissed for a while, but after watching McNabb’s press conference yesterday, I feel much better about the situation.  I think we may start looking like a team instead of perplexed five-year-olds.  Who knows though; the Redskins never fail at being the Offseason Champions, so we’ll have to see what happens in the fall.

Good News: Summer seems to have arrived.  It’s 90 degrees outside.  It’s also April 7.  WHAT.

Bad News: I’ve had a fever yesterday and part of today, so I haven’t even been able to enjoy it.

Good News: Have weened myself off of caffeine, so I can actually function without coffee or Pepsi.

Bad News: I am now addicted to Gatorade, which probably isn’t much better.

Good News: REC 2 is out somewhere.  I need to hunt it down and watch it.  The first REC is easily one of my favorite horror movies ever.

Bad News: Watched Paranormal Activity.  Did people really find it that scary?  All I got out of it was a lot of time watching people sleeping, listening to a woman drop f-bombs on her dumbass boyfriend who keeps saying “dude,” listening to random banging that was probably supposed to make me jump, and failing to feel any sympathy for the absolutely stupid and arrogant assholes who were the main characters.  TL;DR Very underwhelming for all the hype that surrounded it.

Good News: Started getting frighteningly good at Modern Warfare 2 multiplayer.  Like, my kill-death ratio was actually going positive.  Once I had the most kills on my team.  WHAT.

Bad News: Now all I want to do is play MW2.

Good News: I’ll probably be keeping the rats after graduation.  SWEET.

Bad News: It would be sweeter if I had a job and a place to live.

Good News: Looking into freelance writing and blogging as a career option.  It sounds like something I would absolutely love doing.

Bad News: I have to look at options like that because there’s absolutely nothing out there for history majors.  Worst major ever.  I should’ve stuck to something practical instead of something I just “liked.”

Good News: I’ve made some new friends.

Bad News: One of said “friends” is my ex’s new girlfriend.  I’m pretty sure she’s trying to validate that she is the better option for him.  She’s probably also threatened because he still talks to me and IMs me a lot.  I always try to blow him off, because A) half the shit he says is ridiculous conspiracy theory bullshit, and B) I stopped caring about him quite a while ago.  She should be concerned with him, not me.  Potential Love Interest >>>> Conspiracy Theorist Ex.

So yeah, that’s my life in a nutshell right now.  Pretty average, yet aggravating.  Growing up sucks, I’m going back to 3rd grade.

Double Review: Prototype and The Room Rifftrax

Prototype

If this game were a man, I'd marry him and bear him at least 3 children. He's only mildly attractive but when you get into him you're like OH HOLY SHIT.

What I mean by that is, the graphics aren't that great, but the gameplay makes up for it and more. You play as Alex Mercer, who wakes up on a morgue slab just as he's about to get autopsied. He has no memory of who he is or what happened to him, so you're figuring this out as the game goes on. Also, Manhattan is being overrun with a virus that is turning people into zombies. FUCK YES ZOMBIES. Also you have a shitton of kickass powers. You can shoot a blade tipped tendril out of your arm (or shoot a whole bunch out and destroy everything within radius of you), run up fucking buildings, glide through the air like a sugarglider, consume people and become them whilst gaining their knowledge and energy, and TURN YOUR WHOLE FUCKING ARM INTO A GIANT DOUBLE-EDGED BLADE. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS?!

I'm only about halfway through right now, because A) I like having a life, and B) shit is fucking hard at some parts. Seriously, there have been times when I just have to turn off the Ecks Bawks and meditate so I don't explode. Even though you have all these kickass powers, each enemy has a different weakness, so you're constantly changing which power/move to use depending on what you're fighting. Also, you're often fighting both the (virus) infected and the military, sometimes simultaneously. Because of this I normally use a hit and run tactic like the chickenshit I am. Jump from a high area, kill some dudes, then run away and let my health regen/consume bitches. It's how I roll.

Seriously, a kickass game. There are some people who bawl about it not looking great or being too similar to other games or not having a deep storyline, but they can go fuck themselves. I game to fuckin' destroy shit, not to get Schindler's List in high-quality game format.


The Room (2003) + the Rifftrax of it

Oh hi, Danny. I'd heard someone mention The Room about a year ago, but I never thought to look it up until about 2 months ago. Sweet Jesus. This movie may be worse than Manos: The Hands of Fate and Plan 9 From Outer Space. Seriously. The writing is atrocious, the acting is stroke-inducing, and you can FEEL the incompetence surging through your screen as you watch it. It garnered MST3K + Rocky Horror midnight viewings in which people throw spoons whenever the mindboggling framed picture of a spoon appears on screen, shout "FOCUS" when the film goes out of focus (and this happens quite frequently), reenact scenes at the front of the theater in costume, and fake walking out of the movie. I really need to attend one of these.

The plot...is nonsensical. The main plot appears to be a San Francisico-set love triangle between Johnny (Tommy Wiseau), a banker of indeterminate foreign origin (I think it's Latin Amerifrenchkoreansomalian), his future wife (NOT FIANCE) Lisa (Juliette Danielle), who is BEAUTIFUL (not), and Mark (Greg Sestero), who we know through at least 3000 lines of dialogue is Johnny's best friend. Then we have Lisa's mother, who comes in for 3 minute visits, introduces a whole slew of possible subplots that never get mentioned again (Lisa's mom: "I got the test results back today. I DEFINITELY have breast cancer." Lisa: "Don't worry about it. They're curing stuff like that every day.") There is also Johnny and Lisa's college-aged neighbor/surrogate son Danny, who seems like he's supposed to be slightly mentally challenged but no one ever says so, and who for five minutes is a drug dealer. Oh, and he has a crush on Lisa for the first half of the movie then just gets over it, I guess. There are also some other characters who do absolutely nothing and do not further the plot at all. Other than the main characters, I mean.

There are so many notable, shitastic things in this movie I don't even know where to begin. It's clearly not much more than Wiseau (who, as well as starring, directed and wrote this shit) masturbating over himself. The way he protrays his character as an innocent victim leads me and pretty much everyone else to believe that this is autobiographical. I'd love to know what this real life woman thinks now, if she does exist. The best part of it all is that he clearly made it to be a completely serious drama. When he found out that people were laughing at it, he did a 180 and claimed that it was intentional, and that the film was meant to be a black comedy. And thus thousands of Bullshit Detectors sounded.

From the games of football, which consist of tossing a football back and forth whilst standing 3 feet from each other, the laughable dialogue including "YOU AH TEARING ME APAAAAAHT, LISAAA" and "It feels like I'm sitting on an atom bomb that is going to explode," and the characters that come from fucking nowhere, this film is unintentionally a masterpiece. I'd heard that you should first watch this movie with others, but I watched it by myself when I was sick and STILL had a blast. I laughed so hard I vomitted.

The worst thing about this movie are the sex scenes. There are 3 in the first half hour. Now you may be thinking, "FUCK YES, SEX!" but I assure you, watching these scenes will make you wish your genitalia would cease to function. There is NOTHING remotely sexy about any of it. And the shitty softcore R&B music just makes it all even more vomit inducing. I don't want to think about it anymore.

So, the Rifftrax. I was super stoked when I saw on Bill Corbett's facebook that they were doing this movie. And in my very biased opinion, they did a fucking superb job. The movie makes me laugh just by itself, but there were moments when I was literally crying with laughter with the Rifftrax. They completely nail Johnny's ridiculous accent and the constant "Oh hi, *insert character's name*" greetings. When Bill compares Lisa to "the bloated corpse of Britney Spears" I was immediately sold. The one thing I wasn't very fond of was that they do little sketches during the sex scenes so that they didn't have to try to riff that shit. I completely understand that, but the sketches aren't that great. The rest of the riffing is so good that this becomes a mootpoint, however.

So if you want to buy The Room, guess what! It's only $8.99 on Amazon (or free if you're a pirate)! Then buy the accompanying Rifftrax for $3.99. If you're not convinced of the sheer greatest of this shit, here is some YouTubage.

First week back

First of all, Angels in the Outfield is on TV right now and I used to watch this movie religiously when I was younger. I'm having serious nostalgia right now, but kind of laughing at how bad the special effects are and some of the lines are just cheesy as fuck. But I still fucking love this movie. It also begs the question, whatever happened to Christopher Lloyd?!

Anyway, the first week of classes are going well. I was mostly worried about my Ancient Greek class but I'm actually picking it up pretty quickly. I do have a speaking intensive class, and I was freaked out about that because I'm shy and whatever. But actually I talk in that class because no one else does and I just get fed up with the awkward silences. LOL. So yeah, I have a good feeling about this year and I think I'll definitely give my GPA a nice boost as long as I stay on top of things.

My roomie's cool too. She's RA so there are times when she disappears for a while so I get to play honorary RA. LOL. We like a lot of the same things and our roommate agreement contract was a breeze. So basically I have no complaints about anything as of now, and I'm quite happy about that.

Let's also talk about how Blockbuster's 3 movies for $20 deal kicks vast amounts of ass. I bought The Illusionist, The Departed, and Children of Men. Basically, I am quite happy and I probably am satiated in the movie department for 2007. Unless you count MST3K as movies. In that case I won't be satiated until I have all 10 seasons. LOL.

Anyway. I told some of the girls that I'd go visit them this afternoon so I'll try to pull myself away from my beloved Angels in the Outfield and be social or something. Hahaha.