"Pulling a Tina"

Last night I was re-introduced to an interesting phrase.

My good friend Christine came to me last night upset with her boyfriend and his insecurities. She had walked out of his room because he had ruined a perfectly good night with sudden moping. (And they say girls are the only ones with mood issues. Like HELL.) As this wasn't the first time it had happened, Christine just got sick of it and told him she was tired and going to bed. Instead she came to me and cried, upset with him.

When she felt better she felt proud of herself for "pulling a Tina," or standing up for herself. This isn't the first time I've heard this phrase, and it confuses me every time. How did I become associated with sticking up for oneself and not taking bullshit from other people?

So I was pondering this last night. I guess it all starts, as most things with me do, during senior year of high school when my mental and physical wellbeing were taking a nosedive. Being diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder and having to go to therapy is really where I started to grow into who I am now. I'm glad I went through that hell, because it made me stronger as a person and I get way more respect for it now. Fuck the one or two people who think I'm a major bitch nowadays, because I'm actually happier and feeling better than I ever have before.

But being through all that bullshit really made me realize I have to look after myself first and foremost. Yeah, people used to love me before for being so selfless, so caring, so motherly, but doing that also made me ignore warning signs that I needed help. I was so busy trying to take care of everyone and make everyone else happy that I forgot about myself. And seriously, I don't ever want to do that again. If someone really needs it, like Christine last night, I'll help, but people have to be self-reliant as well. I push them in the right direction instead of trying to solve their problems for them, letting them figure out things themselves. I had to stop trying to live other peoples' lives for them, and enjoy my own. Selfishness is not entirely a bad thing.

It still disturbs me when people say they want to be just like me. I still kind of fail as a person, honestly. Aside from all the health issues, I'm pessimistic, bitter, foul-mouthed, psychotic, lazy, and occasionally mean. I can hardly stand myself sometimes, I don't want to be around other people just like me! I guess I have more good qualities than bad, but still. I'm far from the most outstanding role model one could chose.

So don't pull a Tina. Do whatever the fuck you have to do to take care of yourself. You can't make everyone happy, and you'll only destroy yourself if you try.