Why oh why do I listen to dares? This time it has landed me into OKCupid.com, one of those online dating sites. While I have met one guy who seems somewhat cool (I’m not going to say anything about him, though, because 1. he’s a cool kid, 2. he has since deleted his OKC profile and we talk on AIM now so he doesn’t count anymore, and 3. there’s nothing to make fun of about him), the vast majority of dudes I’ve run into have been a bit weird.
Literally 30 minutes after I signed up, some guy IMed me. He was quite odd. He seemed cool at first, he lives in Fred Vegas, Redskins fan, personal trainer…but after a while the constant “watre u doing” got really annoying and creepy. I wish I were joking. I am glad he seemed to get the hint I was no longer interested and stopped contacting me the next day.
Next guy has family in Greece. I should mention that on my profile I talk about how ancient Greece is my focus in my history degree. For some reason, people with Greek heritage think I will throw myself at them because of that simple fact. No. Also, that was pretty much the only thing I had in common with this kid. Plus he started getting creepy. That was the end of that.
Next Greek guy was actually from Greece. I saved his message for future giggles. The subject line is, “DiD YOU EVER COME GREECE?” Instant lulz. The actual message reads, “HELLO,I AM [deleted] FROM ATHENS.DO YOU EVER VISIT GREECE?” This guy is also 46. I didn’t even reply.
After that comes Strange Broken Hearted Guy. This is his message: “Hello.. I hope I'm not bothering u at this time.. My name is [deleted] and after looking at your profile.. It would be an honor to chat with you sometime.. I'm 22 and I'm an aspiring artist. I like games (board, card, video, and sports of course lol) I've had much bad experiences with women and I think I deserve someone sensible. So I hope you consider this note and reply as soon as you can. Take care :)” Honestly, this doesn’t seem like a bad kid but you shouldn’t just come right out and mention your past relationship issues. Or maybe that’s just something that bothers me. Anyway.
Facepalm Guy 1: “I had to actually google your religious view lol "Agnosticism" very interesting but I totally get it.
What are the qualifications for being a nerd ?” First of all, this has to be the only person I’ve ever met in my life that didn’t at least know the basic idea of agnosticism, and I’m including a couple of 12 year olds in that pool. Secondly, if you have to ask about nerd qualifications, you are not one, sorry.
HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK Guy: I saw that this guy had viewed my profile one day, but I couldn’t tell what the hell was going on in his profile picture. So I looked at his profile, and lo and behold, it’s a 45 year old guy wearing a banana hammock, a collar and a leash. Then he imed me. I panicked and not only closed Firefox, but shut down my entire computer. Just……no.
Facepalm Guy 2: (Sidenote: I mention my hydrophobia somewhere on my profile just for lulz) “are you seriously afraid of water? Out of everything there is you are afraid of water? or is it just large bodies of water...” After I stopped laughing, I had to reply to this guy. As with my religious beliefs or lack thereof, I usually don’t have to explain it to people; it’s pretty obvious what I mean by it. I love chugging water and soaking in bath tubs, I’m not going to run screaming in the other direction because someone’s holding a bottle of Aquafina. I mean, honestly, guy.
Those are all the funny ones so far. I have learned some shit about myself in the process, which I guess makes this a worthwhile experiment. Firstly, I have some ridiculously high standards. I mean, goddamn. I seriously need to chill out. It is next to impossible that I will find a guy who is like Thom Yorke, Joel Hodgson, and Eli Manning all wrapped up into one person. Secondly, I have a severe aversion to replying to people unless I really have something to talk about with them. I’m fine in real life, which is strange because you’d think talking over the Interwebs would be easier. Not for this weirdo, apparently. I suck. Also, I should be less self-deprecating. Actually, fuck that, it’s fun and I will never, ever be accused of having a huge ego.
So anyway. I was totally going to delete this shit after a month or so but I’m receiving so much entertainment from it that I’ll hang around a little longer. There doesn’t seem to be too many creepers on there, and the matching system seems pretty decent, so why the hell not? Though I’m not really concerned about relationships at this point (especially because I’m preoccupied with graduating college and actually becoming an adult and shit) I figure what the hell, it’s there. Hopefully I’ll get some more funny shit soon.
