Hail to the Redskins? No, go fuck yourselves you guys.

Someone on the official message board had the best response to someone who was bitching at all of us Redskins who are fed up with this franchise: "I didn't leave the Redskins, they left me."

It's strange for me to get so emotionally invested in football, though it has been a major part of my life. However, when your team plays that badly against a team who hadn't won a game in nearly two years, it's upsetting. Yes, the Redskins haven't been that good since the 80s, but at least they tried, and at least it was still entertaining, even if in a MST3K-way. Right now it's just painful to watch. Seriously, save for a few players, they gave up in the 2nd quarter, and I followed suit soon after.

Skins fans are all trying to point fingers right now. It's not a clear-cut issue, but it's quite clear that there are some major issues up at the top. Dan Snyder has no fucking idea how to manage a football team, and needs a general manager who actually knows football to make the big decisions like drafting players and picking coaches. Snyder runs this shit like a Madden 2010 fanboy and just buys the most expensive players because he can, regardless of whether or not they are actually worth that (I'm looking at you, Haynesworth). It'd be a dream come true if Snyder sold the team, but it's his cash cow so I sort of doubt he will unless something drastic happens.

It's pretty clear that Jim Zorn is not head coach material, and I figured that when they first announced that he'd gotten the job. Again, his hiring goes back to Snyder. Why hire someone who has had never been a head coach or even had experience as a coordinator? Who fucking does that, other than a goddamned idiot? Zorn also has had a lobotomy or something, because he runs the same play every fucking time they get near the endzone. Run the ball to the left. Unfortunately the other teams aren't as fucking retarded and know that we're going to that side, thus they defend accordingly. Yet in the post-game conference Zorn said, "It was a very solid play." Fuck you in the neck, sir.

There's also some guy named Vinny Cerrato who has the completely bullshit title of "Executive Vice President of Football Operations." He was hired because he was one of Snyder's racquetball buddies. I'm only semi-joking. He was also the star of some 1994 movie called "Kindergarten Ninja." Basically, dude is a fucking joke. After yesterday's shitfest , a journalist wrote: "As soon as we made eye contact, Cerrato said, 'No comment.' It was the first time in 20 years as a journalist someone declined to answer a question before I even had the opportunity to ask one." He's a useless bitch who should go do something he'd actually be good at, like flipping burgers.

Player wise it's a bit better, but there are some clear weak links. A good chunk of the defense needs to GTFO. London Fletcher is actually my favorite person right now (other than Hunter Smith, who is actually the punter but scored the first touchdown with a fake field goal that made everyone shit bricks and gave me some faith). Fletcher brusied his rib, yet continued playing and played harder than fucking anyone else even when the rest of his team gave up. He is the top player in the NFL for tackles right now. He also just admitted this morning on TV that they're a shit team and haven't been since the late 80s. So yay, Fletcher, for acknowledging that fact (though it's obvious, it's nice to see that they recognize it so they'll hopefully get their shit together) and for being awesome.

Jason Campbell is looking steadily worse as a quarterback, dropping the ball and taking way too fucking long to throw the damn thing. I have a jersey of his, but it's at my parents house in a box somewhere, so that tells you how I feel about him at this point. I also have Clinton Portis' jersey, but he's looking totally worn out these days. They run him entirely too much, and it's showing now. Chris Cooley is another bright spot on the team, but amidst the sea of suck that is the offense he can't really shine like he should. Everyone else just ranges from shit to mediocrity and don't stand out in any way.

It's clear that the team has completely lost heart. They've had some low points, but this is probably the lowest ever. Redskins used to be one of the best and most respected teams out there, now they're a laughing stock and an embarrassment to those of us who still root for them. They play like they don't care anymore. Whatever is happening behind the scenes, in the locker room, or at practice is really doing a number on these guys and it's rather disturbing and upsetting to watch. They have as much ability as other teams, and if they don't want to give it their all...what can you do? I don't want to root for a team that just goes through the motions. I've always been a self-deprecating fan (and person in general), but even I have my limits. They're not even a football team right now, as I see it.

At least I'll have 3 more hours on Sundays to get things done now.

Show Choir: Part of a Series on Bad Ideas

No, I'm not in a show choir. And if I had any desire to be in one, it would have died quickly tonight.

It's Family Weekend here, which means a bunch of performances and exhibitions of "OH LOOK, WE'RE TOTALLY NOT WASTING YOUR MONEY." My roomie from last year and another friend of ours are in orchestra and jazz band, respectively, and both were part of the big musical shindig tonight. I always go to these things because I am a former band geek, I support my friends, and I enjoy live music and I've never seen a bad concert from these guys. So I call up some more of our friends and we get ready to go.

"You realize that between the two, you'll have to sit through show choir, right?" I was told as we headed out into the rain.

A bit of background here: Last year, near the beginning of the term and when my roomie and I were still somewhat awkward around each other, she came in totally ROFL (she was actually on the floor at one point) about show choir. Whatever event she had gone to, she had experienced show choir and it was totally horrendous. According to eyewitness reports the men had on bright blue sparkly shirts and were trying to act ridiculously cool. Roomie and her friend had made the mistake of sitting in the front row and had to hide their faces in their programs because they were laughing so hard.

This year they're supposedly better than the trainwreck last year, but seeing how bad they were tonight I can't imagine it being worse. There were no bright blue sparkly shirts, which was thoroughly disappointing. The ladies had on shirts that had a bit of sequin action around the collar, but nothing completely absurd. The men were boring and just wearing all black. Wardrobe aside, the singing and dancing was absolutely god-awful.

First they did "I Believe" from Spring Awakening. The program said the song was written by Duncan Sheik and as a result I have "Barely Breathing" stuck in my head. Spring Awakening is actually supposed to be a pretty good show, but you wouldn't know it from this performance. It began with them just walking out, but doing what I call the Dance Walk where you step toe-first instead of heel-first. This went on for an entire minute. Then they stood there, with some people in the front sitting down and totally rocking some arm-shelves. Then a jazz box. Then some rainbow arm movements. What I'm getting at is that visually they might as well have just sat the fuck down because watching them wander around seemingly aimlessly was not doing it for me. It would have been nice if, since the dance aspect wasn't there, the singing was good, but it was not. The ladies weren't too bad, and only had a few times when they sounded off. The men, however, were a hot mess. I kept wishing they'd find a key and stick to it, because it sounded like a bunch of cows in a field. But the key was never found, to my bemusement. Finally the song was over, which was good because my ribs were aching already.

Next, "Sing, Sing, Sing." They tried to do swing moves. I was sitting with other swing kids. We cried together. It was an affront to all that is swing. Swing is supposed to be goofy, I know, but goddamn there's a difference between hamming it up and throwing away your dignity. Fuck, you guys. I cut them a bit of slack on the singing, seeing as to how they actually were moving in this song. They of course sounded winded and were dropping out all over the place, which I sort of expect, but you would think that with practice they'd get a bit more used to it. Again, I was too dismayed at the dancing to really pay attention to the singing.

Finally, "I Move On" from Chicago. Oddly enough I've never seen Chicago, and I've done two routines to music from it. Probably should fix that at some point. Anyway, the solo girl was clearly the glue that held this whole thing together. She was this tiny little black girl that had a surprisingly good voice. It was clear why she got the solo. However, some guy also got a solo, but it took me quite some time to figure out who the fuck was singing, since he wasn't prominently displayed like she was. Bad choreography, I think. He sounded like shit compared to her. The dancing was still terrible, so I started looking at the individual performers.

There were a few people who were seriously fucking into it, and then others who looked like they lost a bet and as a result had to join show choir. There was this really tall girl who already stood out, but insisted on making her moves really fucking huge. Close to her was this really short guy who looked like a creeper and threw his whole body into the routine like it was a life or death situation. Looking totally bored was a really tall, lanky black guy, and several brunette girls. Oddly enough, most of the people who were really into it were guys. You'd think that they'd be really concerned about their masculinity with something like this, because there is no way you can look cool doing this shit. I respect that they are comfortable with themselves enough to do this, because I am not.

I half expected some of the older people in the audience to enjoy some cheesy shit like this. However, the group of parents in front of me were laughing as hard as I was. Looking around I saw a healthy mixture of facial expressions: bemused confusion, straight up confusion, incredulous, horrified, totally bemused, laughter, and blank stares. I have never experienced that in any audience before. So I didn't feel so bad giggling uncontrollably, but I still tried to suppress it, just out of respect.

This being my first experience with a show choir of any sort, I had no idea what I was about to watch. I really cannot believe how haughty and arrogant they sounded after the show when we were waiting for our friends to meet up with us. I don't think it's possible to look good while doing that shit. Hell, in swing we know we look retarded and don't even try to pretend that shit is cool. And for the first time ever I honestly have to say that someone else is worse than us. Show choir is just a terrible idea in general. It's awkward to take songs that belong in the context of a full-blown theater show and just throwing in some random choreography. It's also pretty clear that the majority of these people are not dancers, and a good many aren't doing so great as singers either. Putting all of it together, it's only entertaining to the audience for all the wrong reasons.

Random thoughts that I have, and thinking doesn't occur too often for me.

• Writing a screening report for the film "Double Indemnity." Good movie, but I had to watch it about 4 times just now to analyze the mise en scene, cinematography, editing, etc. for my film studies course. Fun class because my friends Tommy, Brian and I just sit in a row and MST3K everything. I am Tom Servo, albeit less red and my head isn't transparent. But it does take the fun out of film watching, because I was watching Kill Bill this weekend and I was like, "HOLY SHIT MEDIUM CLOSE UP REVERSE SHOT."
• Chris Sligh's blog post that people are losing their shit about right now is totally the truth and people just want to see everything with rose-colored lenses. Unfortunately, the world sucks and when you accept that fact things seem easier. What I'm trying to say is, if you're offended by anything that he says you should probably just kill yourself.
• Fuck. I've spent too much time on the Internet. Don't kill yourself. However, do feel free to sit down and shut the fuck up, or at least read the entire thing and understand it before you launch into a half-informed fury.
• The dance we are doing for my modern dance class is fucking ridiculous. It's set to Owl City's "Fireflies," which is a totally shitty yet fucking addictive song (I've listened to it way more than I'd like to admit). At one point I have to pick another girl up and swing her around. I'm glad I worked out this summer and thus have some upper body strength, otherwise it'd be bad for her. We also have to run around with our arms stretched out like we're catching fireflies. I feel so retarded.
• In other dance news, swing dance is fucking retarded too. I'm the treasurer this year, but it's shitty when no one else does what they need to so I can beg for money from the school for it. The president wants a budget tomorrow but no one else has given me figures, which they were supposed to give me by Saturday. Thanks, guys. Also, the president is pissing me off, from general disorganization and fucktardery. I mean, she acts like the newbies are in kindergarten and can barely walk. Basic swing dancing is not fucking hard, I taught my dance-retarded roommate swing in about 45 minutes and my bitch looks pro (not really, but still pretty fucking good.) Yet the prez goes through about 3 dance moves in each hour-long lesson and the kids get fucking bored. I'm doubly bored because I've been doing this shit for 3-4 years. And they've all got the moves down, it's just that the prez has no fucking idea what she's doing. I've brought this up to her, and she gave me some half-ass answer. I figure I'm the treasurer so I should focus on money-grabbing/managing and just let the shit fly, but if she doesn't pick up the pace people aren't going to stick around long.
• We got pet rats for our apartment. BITCHES ARE CRAZY. Mine is fucking out of control. She must see everything up close, and learn what it is and if she can eat it. We let them out last night, and while her two sisters wandered around but stayed close to the cage and us, she was all over the living room. I do not know what is wrong with her, but I guess that's a rat for you. I'm so used to reptiles (I haven't had a mammal as a pet since I was six) that I'm like "WHAT IS THIS WARM BLOODED CONTRAPTION WITH FUR?" I really do prefer my reptiles, I have learned that about myself.
• I've also learned that I am a total fucktard. I mean, I had my suspicions before, but now it's just fact. I seriously just do shit that screws myself over all the fucking time. And I never hurt anyone else, because if anyone else is involved it'll be done right. If it's just me, I will fuck myself over. I think I have deeprooted loathing of myself.
• I walked to my Medieval Europe class listening to "Flashdance" the other day. Felt so badass, yet really fucking strange. "What a FEEEELIIINNG...to talk about the Lombard laws!"
• There's a new place in downtown called University Cafe that's sort of an offcampus dining place for students. The first time I walked in I was like, "HOLY SHIT THEY'RE PLAYING RADIOHEAD!" Radiohead played the entire time I was there. I was so fucking happy. A+++ will dine again.
• I think I've just consumed half my body weight in M&Ms. Wait that'd be like 60 pounds of chocolate. Okay, no.
• Speaking of my weight, I lost 10 pounds this summer due to switching my medication. Shitsux because I don't really have that much weight to begin with, and now a good bit of my clothing doesn't fit anymore. Fuck. And I've probably lost more because I haven't weighed myself in a while, and I eat considerably less when I'm at college than at home. I don't look anorexic but I am apparently noticeably thinner. FFFFFFUUUUU...
• I hate being a Redskins fan. Why am I such a diehard fan/masochist? Bitches suck right now.
• And I really, really need to go to bed. My eyes are starting to cross.
  

So. New pets.

I don't know if I mentioned this, but my gecko Draco died in May. Infection. He was badass about everything, but was finally brought down. My entire family was sad. I fucking cried for two days straight. Over a gecko. But I'd had him for seven years, so we'd all gotten pretty attached.

So. Here at MDub. My roommates and I were like, we should really get something, pet-wise. And I mentioned how my best friend owns three, and how awesome they are. Their reactions were "HOLY SHIT YESSSS." And this was all yesterday.

Today, we actually went out and bought them, one for each of them. Talk about an impulse buy. We spent the afternoon reading up on care, and the lady at the store was very knowledgeable and helpful in answering the rest of our questions, and picking out necessities.

So yeah. In less than 24 hours, the population of our apartment doubled.

Mine is named Chryseis. Because, fuck yeah, Homer's Iliad. There's no other reason, really, I just wanted to be really fucking nerdy, as a wanna-be Ancient Greek historian. She is ridiculously curious about fucking everything. My laptop just got a full scan: every key was examined. I too received a very thorough look over. Her little nose goes crazy sniffing everything. It's hilarious to watch. Chryseis also enjoys crawling under my hair and licking my neck, which is awful because I'm am ridiculously ticklish on my neck. She must like me as much as I like her, because when I tried to put her back into the cage she fucking freaked. Like, clinging to me and squeaking. I felt bad, but I wanted to fucking eat and she needs to be with her sisters anyway. I finally got her in, but she gave me this look like, "You bitch."

Pictures coming tomorrow, I suppose. I have a fairly busy day, with our first swing dance meeting of the year (and there are always tons of people for the first couple of weeks, until we weed out the ones that aren't as serious). I also need to go to the lady in charge of club finances to beg for money, and fill out a fuckload of forms. The joy of being treasurer.

More shit later.